How to cheat properly (don’t skip this lesson)

It’s all over social media: cheaters this, cheaters that. Which can only mean, folks do not know how to cheat.

I’m here to teach you the ways of the fox. how to cheat properly.

But Before we delve into all that, we must first explore the need to cheat.

Most people wrongly conclude that cheaters are horrible people. I meanーhow insensitive of them.

These are people in need.

You must wonder why i’m bothered by this. “people in need” he must be a cheater himself. to that i humbly decline, i’m not yet worthy of such praise, and regard. but, this is a fight for humanity. I will no longer close my eyes to the ostracisation of our brothers and sisters, and neither should you.

Hush now pandawan(cheaters), let me speak for you.

(Clears throat)

the need to cheat.

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The obvious one is when you’re unhappy in your relationship.

Now, you could leave, but that’ll be unfair to your partner. time invested, all down the drain. You could talk to them, but then it’s 50-50, maybe they improve, maybe they don’t.

So why put yourself and your partner through all that stress, when you could simply be silent. Cheat, come back to your unhappy relationship. Cheat, come back to your unhappy relationship.

It’s a win win. No complains, everyone pretends they’re okay.

The second need is more nuanced. An acquired need per se. you’ve been in the relationship long enough. You’ve done what needs to be done, intimately or otherwise. 

What more do they want. It’s only natural you seek a change in scenery. Your partner might call you selfish, but who’s really selfish here. 

They’re the one trying to hoard for themselves, whereas you’re willing to share your gifts.

Ooh don’t get me started about that. everyone says there is love in sharing, until it’s their partner that is shared. Such hubris and hypocrisy.

what happened to charity!

Another valid reason, is meeting a unicorn. A partner shouldn’t stop you from meeting the love of your life. Granted, you shouldn’t be searching still.  But, what if you settled. What if you stuck with the nearest person you could find.

See? you’re begining to get it.

We can’t fault people for that. Can’t fault people for settling, Can’t fault them for wanting more. Most people leave their partners cause they found someone better. To that I say amen. I’ll never be against progress. You can’t be for progress then hate on that. Progress is progress, no matter the station applied.

You could argue that progress should occur within the relationship. learn your partner, improve on your weaknesses. But what is the fun in that? “Learn your partner”, who has time for that. 

And lastly we have those who do this for the love of the game; they didn’t settle, neither are they unhappy with their partner.

They cheat, simply cause they can.

These are…

the true freedom fighters of our society. I feel unworthy to speak their name. Btw, if you fall into this category, and you’re reading this Essay. I just wanna say…

It’s such an honor to speak of you, keep doing your good work, keep spreading the gospel.

Now that we’ve discussed the need to cheat. I’m sure you’re filled with soft emotions, and empathy for my comrades, I mean…our comrades. 

But for the sake of balance and fair hearing, I’ll admit there are {grudgingly} minor concerns about cheating.

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The lack of exclusivity can open many doors. Insecurities, trust, ambiguity. Not like they matter, but, these are the complaints I hear.

people start having less time for their partner.

what is new is sweet, so they get invested in the new catch. They start comparing everything. the sex, the care, the conversations.

by this time their partner, notices a change in them. they know something is up, because, whenever something goes wrong, and they don’t put much effort to fix it.

eventually their partner starts to withdraw themself, a kind of silent treatment. which just gives them more time to cheat.

This is a terrible position to be in

As the cheater…

it means you’ve failed. you destroyed your actual relationship, for a fling, or whatever it is, it becomes.

We should also think about infections. Those things are nasty but, they’re a small price to pay, for the bliss, the freedom (deep breathe).

You eventually become a risk to your partner, and its okay, it’s a sacrifice you’re willing to make. small sacrifice.

maybe its a chronic infection, so now you’re both spending your hard earned pay, on treating an infection. you know you’re the source of the infection, but nothing stops you from pointing fingers at your partner.

it is what it is.

So now you can both argue about who infected who.

its such a wonderful aspect of a relationship. its something most couples look forward to doing together.

i once saw a couple do this live on facebook. i had to slap myself to make sure i wasn’t dreaming. it was splendid.

We cant rule out the chance of inviting a baby by accident. But it’s okay. The best things, are the things we don’t plan. whatever it is, We’ll handle it when it arrives.

Actually, kids are not a concern; they’re a gift. One that keeps giving at that.

be it an absent father, unreasonable child support payments, or maybe the fact that you were just having sex, and now you have a whole baby with this person you barely know. hahahaha.

Is it not wonderful?

its almost like an arranged marriage you know (big smile). arranged by your hormones.

Yes. I admit your relationship will suffer because of this. But who cares. We live for the drama, we live for the ups and downs. And by that I mean,

Break up.

Beg.

Get back together.

Break up.

Beg.

Get back together. 

Is that not just beautiful. The dedication to that cycle. Uuh, I’m getting goose bumps right now.

I think by now, we’re getting bored by the concerns about cheating. who cares about all that.

Let’s jump straight to the main event.

how to cheat properly.

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To cheat properly you must follow these rules. The little cocerns about cheating are Negated, once you learn the ways of the fox.

Rule number one.

protect your partner, by protecting yourself. In other wordsーuse a fucking condom!

Excuse my manners…

copulate with your partner, if you want it raw.

When out for fun, it can’t be raw.

Rule number 2:

protect yourself by protecting your partner. Which simply means. Keep it hush-hush. Do not confess, do not let them smell your wrongful deeds.
don’t let them even think you could cheat. They are your priority. Cheating is just a favored hobby.

If you can’t be discreet, then get your ass off the streets!

Rule number 3: Do not lie, just omit the truth. Your fling is human too. Don’t lead them on, don’t crush their pride either.

they’re honored guests, but your partner is a resident.

Rule number 4:

The final rule. Make sure you’re far from home.

Your fling must know their place. You don’t want them thinking they own the place. You don’t want them in places that couples go, cause that’s how you get caught. That’s how you’ll ruin what you’ve got.

congratulations, you’ve learned the codes. you now know the ways of the fox.

the jester is off the stage, so its time to close the curtains. goodbye.